I am coaching the owner (Sandra) of a unique service who is seeking to publicize her business through local organizations. As luck would have it, she is friendly with the husband of the Executive Director of one of these key groups. However, because they are friends, she feels awkward asking for help from his wife. Her dilemma is not uncommon in any line of work. When the question is sensitive, what can you say to avoid crossing that line between friendship and business?
Words Matter
The answer is to remember that, while no one likes to give money, everyone likes to give advice!
My suggestion to her, and to you, in similar situations, is to choose your words carefully and say the following, “I would like to ask your advice on a matter very important to me. If you would prefer not to offer suggestions, I will totally understand. Is that okay?”
Let’s unpack that approach:
- Asking for “advice,” as opposed to money, sensitive information, or referrals,is very easy to do
- “Important to me” signals that this is very meaningful to you and inclines the listener to want to help
- “If you would..understand” makes it totally safe for the listener to decline
- “Is that okay?” gets buy-in before the request is made. Of course, if the listener says,”No,” at that point, you would have to stop, but no one, particularly a friend, is going to do that
Say It Strategically
Then, explain your situation and service, focusing on the benefits of your request. In this case, it is making the members of his wife’s organization aware of Sandra’s services and the value of those services to them. So, it sounds something like this, “I am looking to expand my business through organizations like XYZ because I know its members value… and .. and would want to know these services exist. What advice can you give me as to the best way to do that? Or,( if you want to be more specific) “What is your advice about the best way to approach your wife about that?”
Unpacking that:
- “…its members value… and…” Helps to sell the benefits of giving advice to Sandra
- “members would want to know…” Again, helps to sell the benefits of helping Sandra, because every organization leader is always looking for ways to support its members
- “what advice…” By now, the friend is very likely to be willing to share their best advice
You Can Ask For (Almost) Anything
What sensitive requests do you need to make?
- Asking why you lost a piece of business? (“What advice can you give me for the next time I approach someone like you for business?”)
- Asking for the name of the key decision maker at a company? (“What advice can you give me to approach the others on your decision-making team?”
- Asking why your company did not receive an RFP? (“What advice can you give to ensure we are included on your RFP list next time?”)
Except perhaps for income, sex, and, these days, politics, you can ask anything of anyone, if you do it thoughtfully and carefully. (And, if you really craft your words carefully, you can probably do the same for those topics as well!)
Good luck!
Anne Miller
Words Matter – Make What You Say Pay!
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